Ooooooooolivejournal

separation anxiety

2008-06-22T02:42:16Z

you know... this wasnt my idea. to separate for the summer.
im just gonna put that out there.

MY idea was to get a house and a job, and LIVE TOGETHER in Savannah for the summer. But NOOOOO, Nick wants to be mister nice guy and move back- because itll be cheaper.

pff.

so here we are. two weeks into summer and im already counting the days until the end of July, when I see him for a week house searching in Savannah. we dont have roommates yet, so that sucks... but we have each other. 4 weeks and counting... pretty pathetic. but oh well! being without him is unlike anything ive felt before. i knew it was going to be hard, but not like this. after being with someone constantly since the day you meet one another...being by yourself is really really hard. i miss him always being there for me. im in love with him.. i need him.

the summer so far has been fun, though. I hang out with Megan at least once a day, and we usually lay out of play wii. last night, somehow, i got TANKED at her place. i guess i fell asleep in the car (wanting to drive home), and i passed out on the couch with Abbey. woke up to her taking up ALL the room next to me. I thought i was with Nicki which made me even MORE sad. so today was a miserable day for me... hung over all bloody day. im still feeling it a little. i think im going to stay in for tonight.

job search 2008 SUCKS. i cant find ANYTHING.... nothing. no one is hiring- nowhere i wanna work anyway. i need to be making money this summer... but right now, any kind of money is money. anyone know of a place thats hiring?

other than that i dont have any news to update you people on. Nick gave me a ring before we left Savannah. it's really special, and its beautiful!! i cant wait until he asks me to marry him.... *sigh*

im gonna go turn on another pathetic disney movie.
if you know where i can find two roommates and a job,
let me know.

summer = depression

2008-06-12T01:13:09Z

hola.

here i am. 9:02pm on Wednesday night. Jobless, in Florida. I'm not at Megans, I'm at home. chillin on the computer... waiting for Nick to get back online from saying goodnight to his dad.

I did a puzzle for God's sake.

Anyway... the summer is here. And I can't seem to get a hold of Tony at the damn OG. I'm getting rather sick of trying to track him down. So tomorrow, I plan on getting a bunch of applications by covering my rapidly growing bazoomas and looking pretty NATURALLY. Ah what is natural anymore anyway? and after I've found my fill, I'll head to OG and see what they have to say.

I miss Nick. I knew it was going to be bad, so I just forgot about it. I never thought about it. I honeslty thought that hanging out with Megan would take away most of the pain. But I was really wrong. I really miss Nicki. It's hard to describe. We spend every minute of every day together... so being apart doesn't even feel right. This blows. I can't wait to be back in his arms again.

Megans having a party tonight for Eli's birthday.. and I really wanna go. I just haven't been home at all. and Nick gets mad at me when i disappear on him.

i miss hanson..

2008-05-18T18:12:01Z

yeah. cant help it.

i came across an old video on youtube last night.... the boys on snick, 'cooking' in the kitchen, ie, making a HUGE mess. watching Taylor trying to control Zac while Ike is on and off camera since no one is listening to him...

God.... theyre insane. and i miss them.

two more weeks of school. thats it. im stoked but at the same time i still dont have a summer job. and ill be saying goodbye to nick for three months. it'll be hard but i know we can do it in the long run.

i wish Hanson would go back on tour.... i wish i wasnt so busy with school. then again, im glad ive put them aside so i can finally graduate and do something with my life.

sigh..
that is all.

college

2008-04-01T19:59:48Z

im considering dropping out of the savannah college of art and design.

its not worth the money we're scrapping together.
not to mention its too stressful. i dont have enough time for a job if i want to be a successful student.
i have 15$ to my name until i hear from my father about giving my mother a check so she can deposit it. which means i wouldnt get the money until tomorrow.. maybe the next day. and i have no food. which means i wont eat until i get money.

its not like im out buying shit for myself. i cant even afford food.
the job rate once you graduate is supposed to be high. can they then explain to me how everyone i know who graduated is still struggling to find one?
why pay so much if it will get me nothing?
im not promised a job once i graduate.. by anyone.

the fact that my parents are divorced and are paying for two of their three children to go to school as well as other expenses, and tell me we're having trouble affording it... is enough of a reason to call it quits. i would much rather just give up and go home. or go to a state school.

i hate money.

Target Extravaganza

2007-12-16T20:35:36Z

Target is always a good time, but not when you dont have money. I explain the 98% rule to April and we play the game briefly before entering the store. while walking around we pick up bras. i decide to try getting one a cup size smaller, only because im tired of looking like a stay-at-home mom with my huge 34C bra. it looked good. which only reconfirms my notion. after picking up some nice martini glasses and dvds we leave and decide Broughton street hasnt seen our loud asses in awhile. so we start from the beginning of broughton and cruise blaring Family Force 5's Luv Addict. i officially no longer care if anyone thinks im insane while we roll down the street, screaming and doing motions and yelling lyrics out the window at random people who laugh in return. april is putting on south park and all i can think about it what Nick is up to. is he having a good time? is he thinking about me? does he miss me like i miss him? however while jamming in the car with april, we happened to be laughing about something together and i realized just how good this time away from Nick will be for us. and by us, i mean Apis. ive missed it just being the two of us.

its that time again !

2007-09-25T03:06:01Z

i am once again selling artwork. my camera is broken, and i only have these three images.

but if you know my work, and would like to see individual pictures, i can make that happens.

<333 DO comment!
ps... scad is great.

I'm trying it..

2007-06-25T13:44:04Z

if you click this box.. Hanson could write a song about ME.
i may not win.. but why not try??

Sarah Brodsky the other day said "I would click it everyday"
So here it is. Just click it.. and I have a chance at winning.

I have til Sept 12th to have every single person on this planet click that box.

yeah... im still strange.
<3

funny shit i say

2007-05-08T04:48:39Z

when i grow up i wanna be a munchkin. you know, a dwarf.
theyre so tiny! like stuffed animals to hug!
kitties or titties?
TITTIES.
im a titties kinda girl. kinda person.
how many chinks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? SIX PEOPLE. hahaha. no really.
ive seen the harry potters. not all of them though.
oh really? which ones have you seen?
the one where he goes to school.
...
.

so anyway..
conversations Sarah and I have. theyre fun. she ate AN ENTIRE pint of ben and jerrys aloneskie. i had like, one bite. im trying to keep my girlish figure. but ive gained weight. i know it lol.

weird

2007-04-10T20:01:03Z

so whenever i bring up my situation with Andrew to my mother, all she can reply with is "your grades are so important.." blah blah.

thanks mom. glad all you can think about are my grades when i need advice.

things are moving along with him. weve been talking a lot this past week and its nice. however im not jumping to ANY kinds of conclusions. he still hasnt dated anyone (although he did get a girls number. and she did tell him she didnt want to go on a date, that she just got out of a longterm relationship lol). i kinda feel bad for him at times, but others i just want things to be normal again. at the same time, i know we cant get back together until he knows for sure. which kinda means im left hanging on the wall by the back of my neck.

im really enjoying my time with my girlfriends. sarah tobi and ashley have done nothing but be there for me every step of the way and i truly value their friendship. tobs and i are actually living together right now and are getting an apartment/house this summer for next year!! were both really stoked. so even if things with Andrew and i continue to be rocky, i have my friends.

hanson_shatter @ 2007-03-13T19:19:00

2007-03-13T23:20:33Z

im supposed to be happy being single.
right?
that's what people do.
they get excited, the go out there, and they look.

not happening.
i guess Savannah is just a crappy breading ground for guys.
ah well.
this weekend hopefully will help out a lot.
St Pattys in Savannah.
all the water runs green!!

and then im going home for the rest of my break.
Tampa, look out!
SHE'S SINGLE AGAIN!!

....
and miserable.

my work so far..

2006-12-16T19:08:05Z

for Lindsay

for Sean

im still very much interested in doing others, if anyone is interested.

♥ m.

artwork

2006-12-09T17:04:54Z

hi everybody!!
ok this is my idea for this Christmas:
I'm doing commission work again!
I'll post previous works that I've done. I do cartoony pieces of people in background of their choice, animals, clothing, anything you name it. I do them on 18x24 pieces of newsprint in pastel.
They run $50-$70 depending on what you want in the piece.. in other words, the more complicated and time-consuming, the more its going to cost you.
I'm DYING to do some.. just for YOU!! so please, let me know if you're interested. I ask for pictures so i know what to do for hair and face features.

here are some past works..

me and andrew in the moon

my 2nd commission piece

i still have this one.. it's up for sale

andrew for vday last year.

Hanson

you get the idea. thanks guys!!

ok well let me know if you're into this!!
like i said,
i'm ready to make a piece just for YOU!

♥ m.

hanson_shatter @ 2006-12-07T14:19:00

2006-12-07T18:19:21Z

i miss this.

for sure!! family next week. hopefully ill make it out to atleast one.
maria, you with me?

♥ m.

The Great Divide

2006-11-28T15:26:38Z

http://www.flashenhanced.com/hansonecard/hanson.html

http://www.flashenhanced.com/hansonecard/hanson.html

http://www.flashenhanced.com/hansonecard/hanson.html

new stuff is on the way.
please, check out the song and shirt.
they're doing an awesome thing for AIDS and the children of Africa.
i'm so proud of them.

♥ m.

new blondish hair

2006-08-22T20:23:32Z

i love it
that is all <33

lookin lookin

2006-07-26T17:33:37Z

lookin fo a roommate.

well.. so this is what im thinking.. i want to live in a dorm because i want that whole living on campus/college experience i never got. but i also know ill be living with a bunch of kiddies.. 18 year olds. i dont think that sounds like fun.

ah, and for those of you who dont know, i got accepted into SCAD (savannah college of art and design) for this fall semster. yayyy!! im going tomorrow to vist the campus and dorms, ect @ 2pm.

if you go there.. read this.. and know im coming?? YOU SHOULD TRY AND SEE ME lol. kimbo, im thinkin you should meet me somewhere to atleast say HELLO!! and perhaps we'll come visit your abode.

kisses!! xoxo
♥ m.

hanson secrets..

2006-06-20T18:28:34Z

just sitting here..

waiting for hanson secrets..

because i am obsessed.

and im also on hansonnet so its not so bad. listening to hanson, on hansonnet.. chatting about hanson.. oh yeah and calling the hotline 29475 times just b/c its a, taylor talking and b, the machine isnt full yet.

i love me.

ps, this was the best day ever:

that is all. have a great day!

♥ m.

it's only you..

2006-04-27T01:23:17Z

Baby it's the way you make me
Kinda get me go crazy
Never wanna stop
It's gotta be you (uh huh, uh huh)

I can't control it anymore
I've never felt like this before
Mmm, you really make me lose my head
My hungry heart must be fed (uh huh, uh huh)

Baby it's the way you make me
Kinda get me go crazy
Never wanna stop

It's gotta be you (uh huh, uh huh)
All the way
It's gotta be you (uh huh, uh huh)
Everyday
I promise you I will be true, yeah
It's only you

Now I know why I was born
You feel my feelings one by one
Can't see the world I'm walking through
'Cause baby I see only you, oh yeah

Baby it's the way you make me
Kinda get me go crazy
Never wanna stop

Baby it's the way you make me
Kinda get me go crazy
Never wanna stop
And you know
I can't see the world I'm walking through
'Cause of you, yeah...
It's gotta be you, all the way
All that I ever wanted
It's gotta be you, I will be true, yeah
It's only you

♥

hanson_shatter @ 2006-04-19T01:21:00

2006-04-19T05:33:30Z

sometimes you wonder.. if the past 2 years of your life were worth anything. if it was just one big joke. waste of time. one big lie. but it couldnt have been. it shouldnt be. it wasnt.

anger is a funny thing.
jealousy is a funny thing.
and friendship is a funny thing.

right now i dont know where i stand.
i currently lead two lives.
im a best friend
with a stunt double ex girlfriend.
i give advice, run around
be happy, smiles, have laughs and good times..
then i blink twice and start crying
the reality of everything that happened.
the pain of knowing..
fear of whats next
if i leave him alone..
react and disapear
what will become of him?

having to be two people at once is very stressful. i could drop it and stop. but he means too much to me. and i just cant. then again.. it appears that i didnt meant very much to him. or atleast as much as i was fooled to thinking he did. tonights drama had to have been the worst episode yet.

however im talking to someone right now who is reminding me that all i need is God. He's the one who would die for me.. be there for me. im worth it to him. it shouldnt matter who else im worth it to, or what im worth.

.. although one day, when im ready, it would be nice to feel worth it to someone. i want to be someones whole world.

♥ m.

Roadtrip March

2006-04-09T20:01:28Z

Inside Jokes from Roadtrip March

Yellow! car game
Panic! dancing
ghetto dancing in the car..
Family Force 5 robots
getting lost in _ _ _..
seeing snow!!! ie, dandriff
driving through _ _!!
exit 86 US navy subbase
crazy ppl @ the hotel
we're apparently smokers..
the navyblues plus white hat
me wearing them
Debbie Downer ie, F'ing brian's coming
eating @ the 99
rawrrawrrawr
drinking every night
going to the mall everyday
seeing the hills have eyes and f.b.cing wants to hold your hand
texting when he wants to kiss!!
driving them back at 5am everymorning
tiki hut. that is all.
wearing brown
sleeping in the car after _ _.. and taking pictures!!
when the BOIS did the panic!
kevin is deep, aj is raspy, nick is nasily, brian is goldenboy, and howie... well he's the 5th!!
trying on hats in walmart
.. then taking many pictures
silly string fights
seeing awful stay alive
"IM GEEKIN!!! I NEED A CIG.. I NEED SOMETHING TO DRINK, IM GEEKIN!"
"lets park here.. IN HARLEM!?"
freezing our butts off in _ _ like morons..
MY LISP IS GONE!!.... you schon of a bitch
going to toys r us.. nemo and bikes.. and horses.. and holas
slow down!
F'ing brians only picture.. him covering his sorry face.
THE WHOOPIE CUSHIN'!!
"can i have some m&m's?".. "no, they give you gas"
capitan morgan, yes ma'am.
wild turkey and hospital gowns LMAO
lady follows us through mall
h&m bras
getting stop n shop cards!! w. fake names
the guys hollering at us for holding hands
hot wheels cup!!
"i survived i-95"
the dirty snow mound outside the mall
a goofy movie
sc'rd of the maids
best buy getting movies
best way inn and suits
SCHTEVEN!!
MINI EGGGSSS
sitting on the cusions
mall pretzles
flip flops in the COLD
junk food in the car the WHOLE WAY
being FREEZING sleeping in the car
orbs on YOUR side
everything about DANE COOK
the smelly shampoo
tick tac HO!
will you tie my braclet?
shotgun weady
ocean ave singing
parker singing to Le O pussycat dolls!

ok so i can't think of anymore right now. that was TIRING.
I have to go back to work soon.... enjoy. they don't make sense to you..
but they do to us!!

♥ issa .. mrs. Le O .. sitter # 1

more fun to come!!

2006-04-04T16:42:20Z

soooooo
here's the skinny:

we're going on another awesome roadtrip. April 28th to the 1st. Charelston, SC. yay for trips!!
maria and i went back to the tiki hut yesterday. except it found us.
we've decided we're sitters. or we want to be.
marry guys in the navy, and get paid to live.
we're going to do it with her friend Val, and have doggies.
lieve across the street from one another
and have two extra rooms in our houses for the others when we wanna crash.
a good idea?
i think so.
maria and val need hubbys.
so the tiki hut will be our first sitters buy.

us in our hut

see how fabb we are?

both in brown

we match with our hut!!

aww, we tried the hats back on

we miss the boys

our boots

me in the hut

see how pretty it is?
and one day,..
it will be OURS!!

geez i love my camera.
what would i do without it?
actually, what would i do without that and my laptop?
i wouldnt be able to take it with me and load the pix ASAP!!

workin at 345. so i gotta go and shower.

♥ Le Moosie.

keep on driving...

2006-03-30T23:49:35Z

went on a roadtrip... to 'SC'. with Maria. she and i couldnt have had more fun. she's amazing. i took over 200 pictures while there.
i wanted to share them with yous all.
i don't expect comments.
i just needed somewhere to put some of them.

the first day.. wednesday

we found snow!!

well.. its more like dandriff haha.

i was so happy though!!

just driving..

YELLOW!! playing the punching game..

the first night... we ate at the 99 when we got there. we were kinda hungry, but had been eating ALL DAY lol in the car. well, this was the ams technically:

i look awesome in this thing!!

Later that morning.. thursday:

finally we stopped messing around..

we went to target

and played in the tiki hut

we never went back :(

even though we said we would!!

after target and the mall... we came home and changed again

we brought so much clothes we wanted to wear it all!

Hmm.. i dont have any pictures from that night. we went to eat at applebees then went to see the hills have eyes. which was so sick and nasty. then we went back to the 'apt' and drank. but like i say, i have no proof of that lol. i think its b/c we put on a movie but watched none of it. the boys had to be up early anyway.

Friday morning...
just chillin.. eating cereal, you know how we do!

we went back to the mall.. and found snow!!

see??

then we found toys r us!!

weee!!

aww nemo..

sexy bikes..

oh yes, we rule.

after that, we went back to the apt for acouple hours to chill and get ready. the guys had night study so we waited til like, 8 for them. oh and they wanted to mall. BUT, Le O brought someone NORMAL for Maria this time.. the last two nights he had this depressing kid brian tag along.. it sucked. this time, his name was parker. walked the mall with us, then we went and ate at... THE OG!

see i told you!

Maria and.. parkers sleeve lol.

Le O and i! im a geek.

sooo after that we decide we wanna watch some movies and drink some more. because we're alchoholics? meh who cares.
so we go to best buy and get a bunch of movies (so much fun in there lol) then back to the apt it is!! not before we go to Stop n Shop and grab some drinks. Maria and i hold hands on the way in and get honked at. we run in and tell the boys.. we come back out, find out it's their friends. needless to say they almost kicked some ass lol.

back at the apt..

chillin with plumpee

dude that couch rules..

we're awesome!!

yesss..

thems..

ok so that was pretty much the end of that night..
so now we're in to .. Saturday.
which we spent at a very special place. so here are a few shots:

the car ride.. do the panic! robot!!

blurry, but happy!!

oh man we're hiding..

they want to buy a puzzle haha

walking.. yay us!!

brother and sister

yep thats about it lol... and now..
for the car ride back!!

like we didnt see this coming..

both of them are sleeping
see the heads are both down?

so funny.. when we got back, it was our last night technically, so we took MILLIONS of pictures i think... ill only post a couple:
more drinking of course.. watching like, 3 movies and they all sucked so we'd turn them off.. we talked a lot, ran around.. ate left over food. here you go!

oh maria would kill me.. but i love this picture:

we're so hot

maria and parker.. he's GEEKIN!!

haha eating OG

resting.. kinda

us

and then we lapse into... sunday:

eating in that dump.. it was always clean though!

oo.. scary me

going to walmart..

aha nice hats all

oh good lord..

i like mine better

aww and this is the last shot

after that we had an AWESOME silly string fight and saw stay alive.. which was awful. then we left.
now that were home ive been sick. im finally getting better though i think.
pray for me though.. just incase.

hope you enjoy them. theres a ton on there.. so check em all out!!
i couldnt have asked for a better vacation.
thank you God, for making that possible.

pray i feel better. i work in the am tomorrow.
im feeling a little better, but i cant risk it.
love you all.

♥ m.

But baby if you only knew me better

2006-03-08T17:47:25Z

i went shopping alone yesterday. i can't remember the last time i did that. i wanted to be alone. it was nice.. i got to do what i wanted. i would look to my left and say "we're going here, is that ok?" and hear no reply and laugh to myself. it was great. I got some nice new things!!

Summer, RIP to our good times at the mall. I forgot my camera, so this is what i just did.. took pictures of them all for yous.

Hollister first:

green

i look stupid.. dont mind me. i just woke up.

last brown shirt.

American Eagle:

it has flowers on it.. but its also blurry haha.

"what you see is what you get" lame, i know.

i rule.

oh yes.

And... last but NOT LEAST!!

le sigh. how i love thee panic!

ok. thats it. Summer i miss yous. it was nice though to know i could go to the mall alone, and not feel stupid. i mean, there were those times, walking alone. but it was all in all great. new. just me.

feels good.

♥ m.

MMmmmooosieee

2006-03-06T18:35:51Z

so life has been hard for me latelly..

i'm not sure what im doing, if im coming or going.
im starving.. and i work all week. no break til the weekend.
i miss andrew but i don't. we still hang out a lot. so everything is slowly getting to be normal.
i have a headache because i have a hole on the left side of my mouth the size of texas. its giving me a headache, earache, and i can't friggen eat.

why are the things we want to be so close to, so far away? the only thing i want right now is too far to be near. that comfort.
thankfully, my friends are here for me, and i can't thank them enough for that.

alright enough of this. im just jumbling words.

♥ m.

PANIC!!

2006-02-22T08:17:38Z

im scared.

i like them.

oh well. what can you do. drank tonight at skids with sarah nari jose and scotty. yeah not feelin to hot now. oh well. im crashing and working tomorrow @ 345. yesss NOT.

anyway life rulez right now. nothing could bring me down.

♥ m.